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Present Minors/Previous Minded
Jonathan Hooper 2005
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Never Say Never cover by Brandon Lee

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Jay Jokes
Sunday, March 22 | 6:44 AM

More hilarious moments from Jay Leno...

The Major of Mexico City has been giving out free Viagra.  That is going to make it harder for guys to crawl under the fence.

Airports around the country now are switching from metal detectors to high-tech scanning machines that show a naked image of your body and this is raising a lot of privacy issue concern among people, especially women.  The good news?  The airport security guys are now paying attention 100%.  They are actually double checking some people just to make sure.  See I don't like those scanners.  See, I am not comfortable.    You know like the last time when I went through one, they were accusing me of hiding a piped bomb.  It was just such a huge, huge problem.  It was awkward.

28 Feb 2009 episode
You sound happy when he found out that Joe Biden and Hilary Clinton both pay their taxes.  I think Barack Obama is a genius!  I think this is part of the plan.  Heaven knows when Barack Obama nominates someone, the first thing they do, is pay their taxes!  He's found a way to pay off the deficit - nominate everyone in the country ONE AT A TIME until they pay off their taxes.  And as you know Tom Daschle withdrew his name to be with the Obama cabinet, due to IRS problems.  He says, "I will not be a distraction"  See distraction is washing and talk for "Oh Oh, there are a lot of crap about me that you don't know about yet.  Wasn't it just months ago that these people were making fun of Joe The Plumber for not paying their taxes?  And Dasheld says his problem with the IRS were "unintentional".  Of course they WERE unintentional!  He NEVER INTENDED TO GET CAUGHT! See, to the Democrats, apparently, I guess they think IRS is I'm Really Sorry.  

And the woman here in California that just had the eight kids and six more at home?  Well, today, Tom Daschle proposed to her.  He's NOT in love.  He just NEEDS the DEDUCTION!  PLEASE MARRY ME!  

Here's my favourite part.  The White House released a statement saying that the reasons their nominess are having trouble is that the new White House has set the bar very high.  See, that shows you what's wrong with politics in this country.  That's what the government considers setting the bar very high - HAVING TO PAY TAXES LIKE EVERYONE IN AMERICA!  We can't be expected to do that?!

And the US Postal Service may cut service from 6 days to 5 days a week.  They say they are losing money because people aren't using postal services like they used to.  If you like to complain, you can EMAIL them to US postal service DOT com.

Why this is pretty very high-tech today.  Google released free software that enables people to keep track of each other using their cellphones.  Using this technology, you can tell where your spouse is at all times.  Yeah... HOWEVER, it doesn't work with the iPhone.  Today, every married guy in America went out and got it.

Amazingly last night, on an interview on British televion, Paris Hilton says she isn't very stupid.  It's JUST the character that she plays. And amazingly, she has not broken character SINCE 1989.

Finally, a new study says watching too much TV can cause erectile dysfunction.  HEY GUYS!  STOP watching THE VIEW okay?  That's YOUR problem!